Resources

Speaking from the Heart, by Dr. Robin Newman

Good Reading

The Effect of Change Depends On You

Change. It’s an inevitable part of life.

We can’t avoid it, though we often try. And while it’s a natural part of life, it’s not always welcomed with open hearts. So, what’s change all about anyway?

We know it’s inevitable, yet we fight against it. People often complain that they don’t like change because it involves giving up something they have grown accustomed to--whether a pattern of behavior or an emotional response to something. In this context, change can feel very threatening. Yet, there is another side to change. It’s the side that allows us to change our minds, change our plans, or change our moods. It’s this aspect of change that can encourage and inspire. Let’s face it, change can be invigorating, such as:

When we experience the first flakes of a new fallen snow after a long, arid, summer; or,
when we hear the first cries of a newborn, or,
when we begin a new job after months of unemployment

Isn’t it interesting to note that none of these exhilarating moments could occur without the effect of change.

Change isn’t easy. It requires letting go of one thing and grasping hold of something else. There is great comfort in the familiar even if that place of comfort isn’t bringing us peace. Knowing what to expect is often feels safer than the risk that is inerrant with change. But instead of seeing it as the dreaded consequence of something bad, why not change your perspective and see it as the hope of something new awaiting to be unveiled. Change can bring about fresh insight. It can transform the old and barren into something alive again.

Marriages and families that were once dead can flourish again through the strong winds of change. And hearts that were once broken can experience life anew through the healing balm of change.

Change. It's not always something to fear. If you aren’t sure, wait a few minutes, let these words sink in and maybe you’ll change your mind!
Change can illuminate areas of needed growth. Really.

The Self Factor of Healing: Looking In the Mirror

As I counsel with men, women and young adults about their addictions--food, drugs, alcohol, sex--there's one common factor above all others that is the catalyst toward healing. At the heart of the total recovery process, surfacing somewhere between shame and anger, lies self-respect. It’s the key ingredient in taking those first steps towards healing and reaching out for help. It’s what gives a wife the motivation to keep working the program when her husband is no longer seeking help. It's the drive behind the decision to stay or leave an unhealthy relationship.

Self-respect can be disguised as a polite “no” when pressured to participate in an uncomfortable activity, a civil conversation explaining your feelings regarding a situation, or a resounding “stop” when encountering an ethical violation at the hands of another. Self-respect guides all of these methods of saying no through boundaries. Establishing boundaries is not only a necessity, it’s healthy. Unfortunately, most women aren’t aware of the importance of boundaries or how to enforce them. Proper boundaries, when consistently followed, produces great freedom for all present and future relationships, regardless of one’s age or gender.

While learning how to set appropriate boundaries can be challenging, it builds respect and personal freedom--two traits missing from those who are dependent on others for their sense of identity.

So, consider the Self Factor of healing. Look in the mirror. Establish boundaries. Work on a healthy respect of self, which is is vital to your personal growth and the total healing process. For recovery. Practice saying "No." Express your level of discomfort. Share your opinions. Talk, share and encouarge healthy dialogue.

And if you need my help, we're here for one purpose. To help you Live Again.